Things I learned from watching The Red Violin:
1. Music history started around 1650.
2. Music history skipped the twentieth century.
3. Music from various periods within these boundaries can be played interchangeably.
4. All such music regardless of period should be played in best Romantic style.
5. Ideally, this should be accomplished through one person pretending to play while a famous graduate of Indiana University plays the actual sound.
6. If you're truly inspired, you can have sex, compose, and play the violin simultaneously.
7. The best way to initiate said activity is to say to your loved one, "I feel a composition coming on."
8. The best way to respond to said initiation is, "I do too."
9. Communist China = very, very bad.